


no title.....

by katemiller



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 11:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katemiller/pseuds/katemiller
Summary: It had been months since she last closed her side of the connection, but she could still sense him, feel his presence with her. She had learned to set his emotions aside, his brokenness and anger, so she could concentrate on herself, on building a new base, on helping others embrace their own connection to the force.But she couldn't help herself. It was just supposed to be good-bye.





	no title.....

**Author's Note:**

> Alright loves, here is some Reylo thing that I started writing back when TLJ came out - literally three days after opening night. I thought I had this grand idea but ever since then, this stupid little WIP has been sitting as a draft, saved in my fics folder, taunting me. So here. You have it. Its less than 3000 words and barely proof read.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

She had been going nonstop since she had run into Finn on Jakku. Everywhere she went someone was asking something of her, to push harder in training, to explore the Jedi text, to have an opinion on everything. She used to think that having a family would make everything right, that she would no longer feel the sting of loneliness. But it seemed the more people she talked with the more alone she felt. The more overwhelmed she felt. Luke was gone now and she was supposed to rebuild the Jedi order by herself. It was hard for her to not reach back out to him, to ask for his help, to not feel alone.

It had been months since she last closed her side of the connection, but she could still sense him, feel his presence with her. She had learned to set his emotions aside, his brokenness and anger, so she could concentrate on herself, on building a new base, on helping others embrace their own connection to the force. She was getting stronger every day, training and teaching. They had managed to fix Luke’s lightsaber – her lightsaber – and find more Kyber Crystals. The First Order was suffering major losses and she could feel his unsteadiness growing every day.

When it was quiet on base and those around her were calm and secure, she would steal away and reach out to him, never enough for him to sense her, but just enough for her to brush her finger tips lightly across his side of the connection, to feel just a little less alone. The first time she did this, the recoil from his anger was so much it laid her out flat. But his anger was starting to subside, she could feel his fight to hold on to it, the thing that made him Kylo Ren, but his brokenness and the feeling of being lost were over taking him more and more each time.

She tried staying away, but it seemed impossible. Whenever she reached for him the feeling of being overwhelmed subsided but she knew the more time she spent embracing his presence the more she would lose her grip on the reality around her. Tonight. Tonight she would end it. Tonight would be the last time she would reach out…she had to be with him one last time.

She ate dinner as quickly as she could and shrugged off Poe and Finn, claiming exhaustion from training. She hurried across the base and into her small quarters, double locking the door behind her. She looked around her small space before deciding to change out of her dirty clothes. She rearranged the few things she had on her shelves twice trying to stall as long as possible. After having settled her lightsaber on the table three different times, she sighed and crawled onto her bed. She leaned against the stone wall and crossed her legs, hands on her knees. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

His presence filled her senses. She could feel his desperation as he tried to think of what came next. She reached towards him and the feeling of loneliness overwhelmed her, causing a loud sob to rise in her throat. She felt tears running down her face but she kept reaching, and reaching, until her finger tips seemed to brush his soul. The anger she had felt burning like a raging fire months ago was now no more than a flickering candle. She pressed her hand against his side of the connection and felt it give way, allowing her entrance.

“Rey?”

Her eyes flew open and she froze, arm raised and hand stretched out. Somehow she had gotten distracted. Somehow she had managed to lose track of her own emotions. Somehow she had managed to let him in again.

She dropped her arm and moved away from him, trying her best to close what she thought she would never open again.

“Don’t!” The desperation in his voice hit her to the core. She stopped struggling against the connection and looked at him. What she saw was not a powerful leader but a helpless boy, lost and confused.

He opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head and slammed her side of the connection closed.

* * *

The next day she was on edge. She couldn’t focus during their meeting that morning. She couldn’t concentrate during training that afternoon. And she couldn’t eat that night during dinner.

“Rey?” Finn nudged her arm as he sat down. She nodded at him, not even bothering to fake a smile. “What’s going on with you today?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, jumping to the defensive. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine…I saw you walk out of training early today.” He gave a small look around before hunching down over his food and whispering, “You’ve been distracted lately and we are all getting a little worried.”

“I said I’m fine.” She stood up, leaving her untouched meal where it was, knowing Finn would make sure it wouldn’t go wasted.

* * *

She had made up her mind the moment she left the mess hall and was headed straight for the command center. She knew her request would seem strange considering they were in the middle of rebuilding and she didn’t want them to think she was abandoning, but she had to go.

“General?”

“Rey.” Leia gave her a small smile.

“Ma’am, I was hoping to take the Falcon off base for a while.” She swung her arms behind her back and clasped her hands. Leia eyed her for a moment, but nodded. “Really?”

“Did you want me to say no?” The General cocked her head to the side.

“No, no, of course not.” Rey waved her hands frantically in front of her body. Leia frowned and looked at her suspiciously. She dropped hands to her sides, tugging on her robe. “I won’t be longer than two weeks…maybe three.”

“I’ll have supplies packed for you and Chewy so you can leave this afternoon.” Leia gave her a nod of dismissal and turned back to her work.

Rey opened her mouth to correct her, tell her that Chewy was staying and she was going alone, but she swallowed down her words and headed back to her quarters to pack.

She grabbed everything she needed and haphazardly stuffed them in a bag. She hooked her newly mended lightsaber to her belt and tucked the second one she was working on into a robe before shoving that into the bag as well. She hurried out of her quarters and down to the Falcon, running into Mera, a promising trainee, who was bringing the supplies she would need. Rey thanked the young girl and assured her that she was completely capable of getting everything on board herself.

* * *

She wasn’t sure what had possessed her to come here, to this particular place but she had known as soon as she left base that she needed to be here.

She sat the Falcon down and, leaving all her stuff aboard, wondered out into the rain. It wasn’t hard to picture how big the temple had been, how much beauty and strength it had held, all of it now piles of stone and dirt.

She worked her way through the grown up landscape, doing her best not to tear her robes too badly. She stopped mere inches away from a crumbling wall and placed her hand on it. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. This place carried so much pain and anger, but also of hope and love. She sighed and opened her eyes, resting her forehead gently on the stone wall; she would never know the truth about what happened here now.

* * *

She was soaked to the bone when she got back to the ship. She stripped down and laid everything out to dry and pulled on dry clothes, wrapping herself in her largest robe. She settled down at the table in the main hold and pulled out the lightsaber she was working on, the functioning one tucked next to her leg.

Working on anything, a lightsaber or ship even, helped her sort out her thoughts. She was mad. Mad at herself for going to him, for letting him in, and for letting him affect her so much. She was strong, stronger than some tiny insignificant feelings for a boy who no longer existed, who she didn’t even know – why was she letting him win?

“Gah!” she shouted as she tossed the tools and saber onto the table.

“You found another crystal?” His voice was unusually soft. She unconsciously gripped her working saber with her right hand. “I see you fixed that one.”

“Yes,” she said shortly but relaxed her grip. She brought her face up, finally meeting his gaze. He looked…more put together than he had the day before, as if he had been prepared for a connection…it infuriated her. “What do you want, Ben?”

“Just to talk.” He shrugged but kept his gaze on her.

“To talk? About what?” She turned on the bench so she was facing him.

His gaze finally wavered and he stood, turning his back on her. Rey stayed quiet waiting for him to speak.

“Why did you leave?” he finally asked, his voice still low.

“Why did you try to shoot me out of the sky?!” she spat at him, unable to believe that he would ask such a question. He turned on his heal, anger flashing in his eyes. “If you care _so much_ , why did you try to kill me?”

Kylo’s jaw tightened and he spun around, his ridiculous cape fluttering behind him. Then he was gone.

* * *

She had fallen asleep in the hold that night, waking stiff and tired the next morning. She grabbed some of the food out of her supplies and took one of the Jedi texts with her. She opened the boarding ramp and sat down, watching the sun rise as she ate. She stayed on the ramp reading, until the sun was high in the sky. She stood up and stretched, taking the text back into the ship and leaving her warm robe inside before venturing out into the hot sun.

She ignited her lightsaber and dragged it slowly through the over grown brush, trying to create a path for herself. The process was long and annoying but she was going to be here awhile, longer than what she had told the General, and she wanted a clean, wide path to the temple.

It was several hours later by the time she had made it to the temple. She was hot and sweaty and in desperate need of food. She patted the crumbling wall, as if telling it she would be back later, and scurried back to the Falcon.

She took her lunch to the cockpit and sent a message back to base. She really had been planning on only being gone for three weeks, but Leia had assumed Chewy was going and sent her enough supplies to last her alone over two months. She told them she was safe and that she would check in with them periodically. She also asked them to tell Chewy she was sorry for leaving him behind.

She left the ship again, wondering around the land that surrounded the temple. She found a cool spring and took her shoes off, slipping her feet in.

“Ahh.” She wiggled her toes, enjoying the coolness.

She stripped off her clothes and waded into the water in her undergarments. She stayed where she could touch, besides having grown up on Jakku with a lack of chances to learn how to swim, she didn’t want to be too far from her lightsaber either.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, soaking her hair and scratching her scalp. She ran her fingers through the knots in her hair and enjoyed listening to the sound of the forest around her. This was the first time in months that she really felt at peace.

And then she felt him.

“Of course,” she mumbled to herself as she tried to hurry out of the water, the weight of it making her clumsy.

“What are you doing?” he asked in amusement. She didn’t answer him as she finally stumbled up onto the shore, pulling her tunic on. “Ahh,” realization dawned on his face when he noticed the water streaming off of her, “swimming.”

“Bathing,” she corrected him but instantly wished she hadn’t. Her checks flushed and she held her arms tightly across her damp body.

“Where are you?” He had meant it as an innocent question but realized the implication due to their current circumstances. “Never mind,” he said quickly.

From where Rey stood, he looked like he was sitting on the edge of the bank, his back straight as a rod.

“It’s a spring.” She watched his reaction as she rung the water out of her hair. “And where are you?” He raised an eyebrow as if to ask did she really want to know. “Maybe not then.” She sat down on the bank, letting the sun warm her skin. “You were mad last night,” she said as she stretched out her legs and leaned back on her elbows.

“I’m always mad.” She studied his face for a moment and decided he wasn’t trying to be funny. He was watching her too, trying to decide something for himself. “Why do you keep letting the connection open?” She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest, just watching him for a long moment.

“It’s a little less lonely this way, don’t you think?” She saw his jaw tense and then relax again. “No?”

“There’s a way we wouldn’t have to be lonely at all.” His hand twitched on his knee as he talked.

She sighed sadly, realizing he still thought he had made the right choice.

“Ben, please don’t.”

“If you were to join me – ”

“I said don’t!” she snapped. They stared at each other, the silence between the two drowning out the noise around her. She swallowed hard and stood up, grabbing her light saber. “Why do you want me to join you?” She ignited the saber and started practicing. “Why me?” She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she moved. He was watching her intently and she was sure that she knew his answer already.

“You understand.”

She stopped dead in her tracks.

“What do I understand?” she asked after a moment.

He opened his mouth to speak, but his attention was pulled to something in front of him and then the connection was gone.

* * *

Rey had planned on going back to the temple after her swim but wanted her mind calm and unobstructed, which after her conversation with Ben, it was not. She couldn’t stop her thoughts as they swirled in her head and found that she had gotten good and lost in the woods when she finally stopped to pay attention to where she was. She had been wondering for a few hours when she finally stopped and it took her another couple to get back to spring. By the time she had gotten back she was hot and sweaty again and decided to take another quick dip in the cool water.

By the time she had gotten back to the Falcon, she had wasted most of the day and her stomach was grumbling. She grabbed some food and a robe, and crawled up on top of the ship to watch as the night sky filled.

* * *

The next two days it down poured and Rey stayed inside, studying the texts and working on her saber. She had expected Ben to show up, but she didn’t hear from him until she was snuggling down in her bunk the second night.

“GAH!” She scooched back into the wall and hit her head. She had just been drifting off to sleep when she had felt him. She had opened her eyes and there he was, mere inches from her face, lying on his stomach, startling the living daily lights out of her.

“Problems sleeping?” he asked as he rolled to his back, the proximity not seeming to bother him.

“No,” she said tensely as she rubbed the back of her head. 

“I don’t sleep.” He stared straight up and she began to wonder what he was staring at. They were quiet for a while, just lying there breathing.

 _Intimate_ was the word Rey would have used for it. Realistically, she knew he was half a galaxy away, but yet here he was, lying next to her in her bunk.

“Do you dream?” he asked suddenly. She blinked at him, trying to focus on the words he just said.

“Sometimes,” she admitted. He rolled to his side, propping his head up on his arm.  

“About?” He looked at her and she was struck at how vulnerable he seemed.

“You.” The word was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

He simply stared at her, his expression unchanging, and she wanted to scream. But she didn’t. She couldn’t move, couldn’t let him know she hadn’t meant to say it.

He slowly reached his hand up to her face and brushed his fingertips across her cheek bone, watching his hand as he did so.

“Ben,” she whispered. His eyes snapped back to hers and then she was alone, the spot on her cheek still tingling.

 


End file.
